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By now, you should all know that late director Stanley Kubrick (The Shining, Dr. Strangelove, 2001: A Space Odyssey)'s final movie, Eyes Wide Shut, has hit theaters. (You should also know that it appears to be a box-office flop, but as such annoying information will only serve to detract from this article, this tidbit shall be ignored for the duration).
Eyes Wide Shut's plot is essentially this: Two married doctors, played by real-life marrieds Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman are tempted sexually by other people at a party and there's a lot of gratuitous nudity. Enough about the plot, because nobody's going to see the movie for a plot anyway. Except for those people who watch Baywatch for their environmental storylines and acting ability.
I'm not planning on seeing this movie. No, it's not because I have a problem with nakedness that doesn't mean anything in a movie. Although the news that Tom Cruise is naked gives me much pause. Much, much, much pause. One, I don't want to see that by myself. (Nightmares! Emotional scarring for life!) Two, I don't want to see it with a girl, because that can only lead to unwanted comparison and the shocking but painful discovery that I am no Tom Cruise. (Of course, the argument that they are no Nicole Kidman could come into play too.)
And for all those out there who know me and are snickering: Weaver? Date? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I reply: Knock it off! I'm working on it! Hazel the blind-and-bald cafeteria lady said she'd think about it.
Lastly, I don't want to see it with another guy. That kinda thing can only lead to increased testosterone, male competition (over Nicole, of course) and a lot of hooting and hollering. I'm tired of making other guys look bad.
So instead I'll make it a Blockbuster night, with some of Kubrick's other works, like Spartacus or A Clockwork Orange.
Until next time . . .
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
R.I.P Stanley Kubrick
- Tell your friends.